Snap shot of 8 yrs going from Employed to Sick Unemployed no Hope to Building from this negative into a Scottish Poetess and helping others to have better lives
Positive of Benefit Britain
After the Latest series of Benefit Britain on our TV and the continual portrayal of the negativity Media Coverage of being on Benefits, I am sick to the back teeth with it,
So this is how we are not All sitting on our backsides doing nothing to improve things for Themselves.
This True Story started 8 Years Ago Anniversary of Event 23rd Feb 2014 I was invited to attend a Sound and Vibration Weekend as Support for a friend, I accepted the invitation and my life change forever from Hell to Paradise, I Survived a horrific Childhood of Abuse that haunted me for many years was 23 yrs when I finally got out of a abusive situation, end of more Physical abuse yes ( no Mental Abuse Still going On just not same effect) but in head not end of nightmare it then took me another 23 years before I could say not only now have I survived I Have Recovered From it to.
In the Year 2006 Got Recovery No Meds for Depression Mental Illness no treatment as I am well of Heart and Mind I love who and what I have became.
I Love Myself 1st so then greet everyone with love and spread everyday where I can to all who I come in contact with, Love Peace and Harmony to All I live it everyday even the bad ones I can cope with but still working towards building a trust so others no matter how much they have or how little they have they can recover and live a happy productive life.
This is also the Year my New Life’s Ambition Started with an idea with no idea of how to Achieve it Set up a Trust in Remembrance of someone I knew a very short time in my life but his Death devastated me, at his funeral I Acquired a life sister his little sister bonded for Life. We loved and respect each other dearly Sadly in Feb 2013 she also died but 1 Day the Alan Macdonald/Caroline Beck Trust will exist if it’s the last thing I do.
In 2007 I had an accident at my work after 6 weeks or so I expected to return to work after all it was only a broken foot sadly no 10 days later I took my 1st in a series of pancreatic attacks and lost my Job, I thought my world had ended not only was it my work it was also my social life,
How was I going to provide for myself my husband was working but having to try cope and look after me at same time it all became too much then sadly he lost his job.
So took over looking after me sometimes on very little sleep at its worst so I would sleep in spare room so he could get decent rest. This is how we now cope with everyday/ week/ month/ year so plenty ammunition to wallow in self pity.
But this was also the year that 1 of my life Ambitions came true as well, A Dream Trip of a Lifetime to the USA on my own,
A Fantastic learning curve because things can go wrong on even dream trips, ever time it did something wonderful happened because of it made it even more of a dream trip, lifetime friendships across a large ocean encounters that will never be forgotten by me or others,
2008 Re-discovered buried Talent for writing Poetry initially just for Family and Friends,
Or even just for giggle about something that had happened in my life as all my poems are true events in my life, past present or future, some were challenges from friends like
When Memories are Awoken telling friend about my uncle’s funeral and the music ECT she challenged me to write a poem about it,
This was also the year I had the best break but most humbling experience of my life even as a survivor.
I went to help look after Chernobyl Children here in UK for 4 weeks break and care estimates adds 2 years to their already limited lives sadly due to family crisis I was only there for 10 days but to see these pale frail little children arrive to the most treasured memory of this visit in Wales Pouring Rain Autumn Day warmish but not freezing or really cold all dressed in wet weather clothing wellies rolling down small grass embankment laughing (Absolutely Delightful).
Watching from the kitchen and hearing the laughter seeing the smiles on their rosy cheeked little faces.
A spectacle to behold an eye when talking to one of the carers she Explained that at home they can’t do that everything is still so contaminated from the disaster,
Although known as Chernobyl Children these children were Belarusian now in 2014 at least ¾ of those I met in 2008 if not all are no longer with us today the eldest the 12 ½ yrs old ,
They have to pay for medical treatment even the children most of the food imported or contaminated
Thanks to Benefits and NHS I reasonably eat good food I receive good medical care and this is where I am extremely grateful for Benefit and NHS System in our Country and Proud of it.
August: Celebrate Ma and Da (My in-laws) Diamond Wedding Anniversary my 1st public performance mostly family and friends safe Audience but poem was well received by all,
Joined a Extra’s agency for a giggle I got a part in an historical Scottish movie “Stone of Destiny” at this time it definitely was my destiny
Dec: Da died of Cancer the last month’s of his life the precious time and talks we had are so valuable to me his answer to a question with a few words a no one became someone his Daughter I miss him but grateful for the 22yrs he was ma da and a huge Positive influence in my life,
He was 82 yrs old so dealing with the lose manageable he lived to see his family all married settled down with good partners, Grand Children married and Great Grandchildren born,
He taught me how to be a daughter, he taught me what a dad should be and the belief I had from a young age what daughter father relationship should be like hugs telling off’s safe but all with love Unconditional Love.
2009/2010 mainly writing poems more regular now starting to be told need to build my own website by Family and Friends saying my Poetry was good and should be seen by others at this point I was not very confident about my work,
Jan My uncle Died as described earlier a new poem came about this made people laugh,
Laughing about a sad event that developed into wonderful memories that led to “artful poetry” it has been described as,
In early 2010 event happened in my street that changed my home of 18 years from our home to once again into my prison, now 49 years old a Suppressed memory of Horrific event that happened when I was nine years old finally surfaced which left me no choice but to move home, Previous to 2006 this would of probably hospitalised me if not sent me complete crazy at great cost to me hubby and NHS, the Silver lining the New Home Paradise surrounded by beauty everywhere I look every day.
In Sept of this year I launched Survivorsburg2006.com Truth: to prove my Hubby and my Friends wrong but it was me who learnt they were right other people stranger’s also liked my Poetry.
Join social media for 1st time Twitter have met some really love people and great supporters this is where a new Scottish Poetess became started with a Tweet by a Celebrity that I admire at Christmas time for young lady to receive new lungs to keep her alive I RT’d it straight away then check out the lady who it was about this led to a poem for her it had touched my heart she then sent copy to her charity who published it I was gobsmacked but felt so proud then followed by 2 request to especially write poem for 2 other charities I could not believe what was happening the 1st draft of the the 1st poem excepted as it was 2nd exactly the same I realised that I had a new career as a Poetess from Twitter Family and Friends from Celebs to others like yourself trying to help others just because it does not work 1st 2nd or 3rd time lol does not mean you quit you go forward try something else.
End of 2010 I also began listening to internet radio station that later I would become A part of,
Why? Met this cheeky chap on Twitter who DJ’ed so tuned in then his cheeky mate strangely both Fifer’s like myself it would turn out to be fantastic Part of my own life’s Journey with my Ambitions my Work build my Confidence and Belief’s in my own Abilities with what I was trying to build,
2011 The Big 50 a meeting became part of Trans-Atlantic Twins (to different Mom’s) a radio station and an amazing year in my new career
Website far more successful than my wildest dreams I personally expected few Hundred you know loyal family friends ECT: Amazed 1st year over 10,000 views from all over the world
Comments on my site floored me,
From having people laughing to others crying my work effected them in some way and the feedback continued to be so positive, so I ate humble pie to hubby and friends lol continued with it still trying to come up with idea’s to make Money to Launch a Trust many long sleepless nights ect involved but with meds for pancreatic trouble sleep crazy then anyway lol lol ,
But somehow I have to use this new talent to do it each turn I take learn new lesson’s other’s help with information ect, tried mugs, pen, ect but did not have the skills to set up properly but I did build my own website which I was and am very proud of all self taught Hubby only had to help me 1st time with Header everything else I did myself.
March: Move Home Love it for this stage in my life fits perfectly nice people nice neighbours, now I can take time write still For Myself also for a Radio Station now.
Late 2011 I became Poet Laureate Of 1radio.org and the following day I became a Published Poetess my 1st Book Wow what a week in my life that was big personal success the day I got my official Poet Laureate T- Shirt then the next day being a published Poetess/Poet Laureate title’s I wear with great pride.
The view gets clearer but still lot of long hours and hard work going on new ideas again still a long way to go before I get there.
Then in a crazy moment I saw something flash in front of me Audition for Britain’s Got Talent and remembered early days of show when Simon Cowell said All Poetry was Boring I aimed to prove him wrong??
Did I? No never got through to TV Auditions but the experience of it was amazing and my confidence went through the roof.
Finally Joined FB try it out and with radio station ect initially thought it was good could also connect it to twitter so my friends there would still be able to see what I was doing ect,
Disconnect FB Jan 2014 not for me and have returned to Twitter.
Had a beautiful ending to my year Family Christmas run my Nephew played his Violin for the 1st time for me Magical I went into 2012 with great happiness and hope.
2012: Try to promote book continue daily to spread Love Peace and Harmony Was wrongly Accused once again of Fraud by Benefit System and investigated the stress of it was not good to my Well Being that was finally going in right direction and improving,Since 2007 with all the attacks my weight had plummeted to under 7 stone which myself and the medical profession were extremely concerned about,
We discovered not only could hurting my bones, having Alcohol (had none since 2008 learnt severe lesson) got new information I was never really a drinker anyway occasionally with the girls or special occasions only, But that stress was also causing attacks too I had to teach myself how to transfer the stress to positive use or it could kill me shocked the hell out of me being told that by a Doctor as a Pancreatic attack can kill a person,
On Bed rest I could still use my computer I could still write I could still be Poet Laureate I did not have to leave my bed to work this new career might just be the answer to my problems the more stress the more I wrote new work now a part of a new family 1Radio Family many days sometime not always admitting I was in bed I interacted with the wider world from my sofa to my bed I can work hold down a normal Job sadly No writing is now my life my mission to build a Trust that Will Help Historical Survivors of Abuse, Trauma and Depression and make them Whole again.
I know the Dream I know the Mission but how do I Achieve it not Easy for sure there are Many, Many worthy Charities out there, some in many different ways I have supported over the years all for different reason from inspiration to touching my heart or personal reasons,
My Book was not doing well I stayed positive then after a while I went off in all kinds of directions tried a fundraiser ect not going Well letter Arrives been found guilty and Benefits Fraud going to be deducted from our Benefits OMG deep breath Calm now take action.
Phone different people till I found right Information and Person who could help me this time,
And in 2013 we would be cleared of Fraud but refund of deducted funds still not forth coming from them and I am writing this Feb 2014.
2 things had caused it my last movie Part in 2010 and My Book initially Published to sell for Charities I was told I could not do that, I also had to make a living for myself from it, because if not all profits made from them would be taken into Account (I initially had all profits ear mark for Charities) and would be deducted from my Benefits and because I Published Book my Poetry was no long looked at as Therapeutic Work but As My Work /Job.
The rules once again changed without us knowing it, Events, People, life all inspiration for my Work/Poetry I write from the heart but with I hope positivity for others,
That no matter how bad life seems look right in front of you Family Friends who love and support you day after day year after year even when they think it’s a crazy idea or good idea and you become the richest person alive and world filled with laughter and Love.
Pure Love to Combat Bad and Negativity does work.
The Website, Gifted Books, Teddy Bears, ect For I have tried money taken out of my Benefits Yes to build and put positivity into the world Help others but now any money earned would now also have to be divulged to Benefits however financially none took off sales were poor to say the least.
At Least I had Tried for the right reasons, my energy levels vary from day to day and found the work load over powering me to were I could not regain my inner calm that I need networking promoting ect to much in 2014 All were With-Drawn from Public Sale.
Still not correct Route Yet lol lol
But from where I started also reached a point I had learned to divert the stress weight was finally turning the corner and Slowly going on I was coping although I cannot stop a full blown attack Since the move 2011 close a few times thankfully writing this I can say it still makes me feel gross at times bang my bone with-in 7 days almost every time I end up back in my bed but no full blown Attack most been Medium I am not saying things don’t stress me I just divert it now turn it round to create Positivity either in my own life or that of others. This then in turn helps me recover and feel better.
Late 2012 these new skills would severely be put to the test by ex Abuser with another go at Mental Abuse still from a distance am now in my 50’s still going on once again did I have proof No ect ect but we all knew, started to vibrate and lose control on this occasion I dealt with it there and then 1st phoned my GP Screaming down phone to her on what I was or was not going to do to this person she took time out of her busy Appointment Diary to help me realise the emotions I was feeling was normal in this circumstance from the Rage it stirred with-in me talking me down from panicto bring back to balance and calm and not let him win again.
Unwell few days to achieve this but not weeks of it months of it and no hospitalisation for it either as it would of done prior to 6 years ago.
Dealing with it this way we did saved me from a lot of pain my pancreas grumbled about it but other than a few sickly mornings and pain at Paracetemol level not Morphine level we did it.
Once again bigger stronger in heart and mind than I had ever been in my life before and could even cope with this without it making me ill, Another big turning point in my life, instead of burying my head and wallowing in self pity I worked through it with love and creation not everything I write I Publish to Website ect,
Some no one else will see or hear some only for certain people to see or hear some fits lots of people so get published,
Some even written to/about people or events ECT like my Radio Station work,
Still continued renewed Website tried something new for it ended up not liking it so 2nd make over of site was put into plan,
Then redone by myself once again 1st change friend did right intentions for it but wrong direction for my Website,
2013 Difficult but still great year,
Going into 2013 once again great hope belief 1st week a 8 week nightmare began Ma seriously ill all called to hospital early January 2013 expected the worst as advised Glad to say she is still with us although sadly now has Dementia in her final years,
2nd Week: Very Sad news Sister– in – law Dying only in her 40’s then sadly passed away few days later, attended this beautiful ladies Funeral with a heavy heart and the loss of a dear person in our lives, 5th Week: 3rd of not such a good start to the year Feb 2013 My Little life Sister Died this just took the wind right out of me few days before had spoke on FB with each other.
Ma wee Sis was gone car was broken Funeral to Attend Friends to the rescue the other person who had believed in me to one day build a trust in her brothers memory and fantastic support could I continue and do it now on my own to Make her Proud and the Lovely children she left behind to be proud of their Mum and her inspiration???
This was also the time my 1st book got its 3rd Edit a few errors that I had noticed got fixed and finally the title for The Trust as previously said was decided in remembrance of them both, 1 had got recovery few months prior to his untimely death the other never did.
Funding issues for more Sound and Vibration Weekends still remain a problem.
Mid 2013 I tripped landing on my bad foot total about 6 weeks on bed rest by now also knitting 4 weeks of being sick almost every morning last few weeks slowly subsided on this occasion I also took ear infection still manage well with my well being at same time my therapy writing Poems knitting and brought scrolls into existence,
All from my bed over 6-7 week period who said being unwell meant being unproductive not me,
Some of my best work been written from my sick bed,
Early in 2013 2 special babies came into the world and into my life attend 2 very different Weddings both Fabulous memorable occasions this year, 1 personal challenge and friend The challenge to this was long distance drive on my own Portsmouth and Back with pick-ups and new friends to meet on the way had not done so in many years Success I can still do it short and long distance on my own without my hubby having to drive me everywhere, 1 Family event each individual and Special in their own way,
The strength to rebalance the circle of life make new decision’s moving forward to bring to close the things that were not working still not a failure the strength is have the ability with courage strength to admit not right at this time and start again and learn from it,
The Scrolls were written and devised by me funded from my Benefits to Produce a Quality item that can be inexpensive gift to others but also be use to help others to,
Designed by Very talented lady, who also raises fund for charitable events, now also my friend Cazz, firstname.lastname@example.org.
We work well together and understand trust each other the quality and prompt attention of any of my request consultations can sometimes be lengthy for us both to be happy with what we produce she designs both my Cards and Scrolls,
A lady came into my life who I met through someone close to her a beautiful friendship has developed which then got me crafting with Crochet and Knitting again we help, share, and hold each other’s hand along the path of our lives journey for a while a lady like myself who was having difficulty in here present due to an event in her past,
After a discussion we decide with permission from professionals that with what I had learnt and built since 2006 I would have a go at helping my new Friend 1 year later Update her physical chronic ailments are still there but her well being greatly improved so is coping with her chronic ailments a lot better the Proof her GP visits in 1 yr more than ½.
Since 2006 I have Emailed Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, David Cameron, and Alex Salmond:
Standard political replies Question: do you really want to save money in NHS??? for real I use to be prescribed a carrier bag of medications a month hundreds and hundreds of pounds now once a month for check up and meds to save my pancreas going into full blown attack and save NHS as much as I can, few extra visit to Docs because of normal things ear infection normal ailments but no weekly/daily appointments with DOCTORS physical or mental in 8 YEARS speaks for its self when I do visit my GP real truthful not like it was prior to 2006 we can discuss my physical conditions my emotional well being yes like any normal person I still have range of emotions but now on most occasion’s good or bad I can find balance for when outside forces effect my life death stress ect, and not have to run to a doctor taking up valuable time and resources to try help me deal with it as normal people were taught to do being brought up properly not just learning to survive.
The Trust still not Launched Disappointed yes giving up No end of 2013 I decide to reorganise after weeks of being sick it was announced the Radio Station was closing due to other commitments strangely for me my health once again the timing seemed right I had 2 wonderful year being apart of it the people I met all the 1st I did with them to many from longest Poem I have ever Written, My Poetry put to sound effects and music electronically or a singer/ songwriter writing music for it one of the most wonderful experiences I had and great pleasure to be Part of and Poet Laureate of, friendships of a lifetime made, now I was in my own right May Thomson Aka: SURVIVORSBURG New Scottish Poetess/ Poet Laureate.
Published a Book to help Charity then had to be changed to also include living because of rule change Teddies Scrolls all of it now sadly I have to make my own living I keep getting told but I tell you now from myHeart not my Priority 2nd always I want people to have what I have wether fortunate enough to be working or sadly as I find myself sick unemployed as society see’s me I could so easy be depressed about it all after 2006 good or bad I have inner Peace and that more Valuable to me than any bank balance:
Because since 2006 I can say and converse in many different mediums verbal, internet ect, what I think what I feel be me My New Scroll I Think of You read to a stranger on the phone she cried and she was not the 1st followed by Quote: That’s Beautiful will fit so many others it reminds me of their Grandmother friend ect ect revealing who my poem reminded them of and thanked me for reading it to them.
No more Radio Station work miss it yes but they have taught me so much I could go on and radio station either with Poetry or Discussion Programme ect and be confident to talk naturally without being nervous ect.
I never broadcast my own show but did duel host a few either here at my home or via Skype ect I have no regrets about my time spent with them and re-organise going into 2014 All Products Book Teddies ect withdrawn go back to the vision and my mission with what I have Poetry and now affordable for all at £5.00 of which £3.00 is postage from my benefits I buy The Scrolls, The Tubes, Flags, Ribbon, Labels all cost money I make less than £1 from each 1 no Profit I invested My benefit into turn out a Quality Product ???
Officially launched Scrolls after trial last year in Jan 2014 so far 3 sales but looking for new outlets ect but having very little mobility without getting sick or taking morphine 1st i don’t get out to often,
Those that were gifted them ect complimented me on my presentation as well as the contents ect still new and we will see how it progresses i am Not just TAKE TAKE TAKING benefits I am working damned Hard trying very hard to get OFF Benefits ASAP support and help for me from them at my age none ???
The Final insult came in 2013 when I was Called Benefit Scum no I am not employed in a normal job out in society not because I don’t want to.
Because physically I can’ I lost my Job because of length of sickness and time off.
That does not mean I sit here working out how not to be employed I sit here sometimes pulling my hair out on how to make a living from what I can do Philpot’s, Benefit Street, all give very Bias View of people on Benefits don’t what to live on hand outs from others in society but I don’t want crucified by people who think because on benefits I don’t contribute to society how do I balance being on benefits so I don’t Crucify myself everyday in the current climate by the Feedback since 2011 from people of course Family and Friends now I can also say from strangers from all over the World my Poetry had an Effect on them Helped on a bad day (Bouncebackability) make them feel Special on here, Westy’s Hit Mix Show and as previous stated some even Cry with their memories I Think of You I Spread Love Peace and Harmony everyday either with my Family or Friends Strangers and just even improve their day even if for a few moments while I am part of there Lives, I do Well I can send people Loving Vibrations ect, without the burden of money my Poetry on other hand I now have to commercialise to earn living but My Priority will Always Be to Building a Trust to help people like myself who survived some form of trauma ect in their past that has never been mended who are not living to their full potential because of it.
If this makes me Benefit Scum because not employed/although work long hours seen as not contributing to society ect,
I see it as being supported through a difficult time in my life to give me the time to adjust to life without my Job or good physical health.
With what has been built so far now find myself in catch 22 situation earn more to expand it to make living and work self off benefits at moment nothing set up like this for people in my circumstance but if make too much, I could unintentionally commit fraud as Benefits and Society would see it don’t want to De- fraud anyone.
I am to-date not yet making my own living but I am not giving up trying to produce something that will help give me living. Develop my website as Spring Board to Launch Trust with new material produce more scrolls ect so I can help more people. Been in my new home almost 3 years in that time how many times I have been outside in total few dozen maybe? always driven never walking unless shopping when have no choice and have to use my morphine. Would not complete a full shop or hospital visit ect without it as the pain would be so great it would make me ill. I have to adapted to what I can do not what I can’t,
I don’t go out getting Drunk, I don’t Steal Honest Hard Working Unemployed Sick Person struggling to make a living. Benefits Any Help or Support?? for me to make transition till I can earn enough None.
Not a dead beat no hope person bright intelligent woman with great life experience and knowledge that could help many,
Save NHS Fortune at same time.
Do I consider myself unemployed not contributing to Society?? NO I contribute Help (Not paid or charged for), I Spread Love Peace and Harmony (Not paid or charge for) both can take up a lot of time ,
Write Poetry (trying to get paid for trying to charge for) Knit for self and friends (Not paid or charged for)
I lye or sit networking communicating with others, editing, putting scrolls together cutting ribbon securing tubes ect using my benefits FOR stock Positive From a Negative.
So dear Government and Society please stop demonising everyone on Benefits some of us still want to earn their own living and do long hours trying to make it happen.
And to all those who have actually taken the to read this 8 year caption of turning a housewife with part time Job to unemployed housewife who wrote a few poems into a New Scottish Happy Poetess with ambitions dreams Yes these one’s not for herself but for others.
I am not rich financially no, but mega rich in love and pride in my work, I don’t Need anything except a living, do I want anything now that different I am a woman after all lol of course a Mac for Survivorsburg Work New Carpet Paper and Paint to finish Decorating new home ect but Want and Need are 2 very different things since recovery I don’t Need anymore.
Thank you Benefit Britain I truly Appreciate your Support to be able to develop My new Talent into something meaningful and viable as small Charity/Business Possibly...
Estimated Cost Savings: Carrier bag meds a month £ Thousands
Doctors Per Visit x 8/20 £ Thousands Wages Per Hour ?
Hospital Visit Nurses/Doctors £ Thousands
Hospital Patient £ Thousands
This estimate for 1 year now X it by 8 years saving NHS Millions i am but 1 we trialed over 15 survivors most like myself went on to lead positive productive lives either in arts or helping others
Posted by may thomson.